So its been kind of a shitty week, culminating in my waking up with a crappy cold today. But in the midst of my own bedlam, something amazing just happened. What I’ve been waiting for for 36 years has happened. SOMEONE GETS ME. SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS ME. That is all I have ever wanted, for that I am so thankful. I’ve always felt misunderstood. ALWAYS. As a child, I used to wish I’d find out I was adopted because my family didn’t “get me”, they still don’t but that’s definitely another story for another time. 😉 But today, Kristina has given me the strength to finally tell my story here, and I know it’s time.
For those of you that don’t know, I am a survivor of domestic violence at the hands of the man I loved. Some days this is harder to say and admit than others. I know I am a better person for what I lived through. I know that I would not be who I am today had I not survived this. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS NOT A JOKE. It’s very real. It’s very scary and millions of women suffer in silence because they don’t know how to leave, they are scared to leave and most often or at least with me, I wanted to believe it would change and he would stop.
I left over 8 years ago and not a day goes by that I don’t remember that time in my life. Since the day I left, I’ve no longer been scared for my safety. But I can never forget. There are scars that run deeper than you could ever imagine. Sometimes they pop up at inappropriate times. Sometimes just as things start to go really well in my life, I flash back to that time in my life when I sleep. It will always be a part of who I am, and I hate that. I hate that part of being a survivor. I wish I could erase it all and just be whole again. I wish I could remove the permanent emotional scars as easily as the physical ones faded over time. But I can’t. I was bullied, I was hit, I was shoved and I was raped over and over again by the man I thought I loved and thought loved me. Those scars just don’t disappear. Every day I remember why I’m so lucky to have survived. Every day I try to remember how many out there aren’t as lucky as I am. Every day I have, I am thankful for. When I hear about domestic violence I can’t help but speak out. I cannot let someone else go through what I did. I cannot stand idly by and do nothing. And neither should you.
It’s taken until I was in my 30’s to be comfortable in my own skin, yeah, I’m a late bloomer, if only I had a nickel for every time I heard that! But here I am, smack dab in the middle of my 30’s and social media has allowed me to be me. To not be afraid of the reactions of others, to stand behind my views and morals. And I’m okay if I’m not the most popular, I’m tired of trying to be popular. I’m tired of trying to be someone I’m not. I’m Traci and I’m okay with that, and for those that aren’t okay with me, UNFOLLOW or UNFRIEND me!!